Hello brothers, i was wondering if you could please help me out. I have been very stressed and worried lately and that is why i decided to post a question that has been pondering on my mind as of late. Please do not judge me on the following. Basically i have been seeing a girl lately. I have gotten a bit intimate with her a few times ..kissing and some really close hugs (May Allah forgive me InshAllah). My biggest worry was that... recently, we got little too intimate. Basically, i got her to feel me up a few times in private part a few times with my pants on. She grabbed me quite hard a few times and eventually i came too (AstugfurAllah). My intention was not for me to release anything, i just don't know how i let this happen. I am ashamed that i am even making you read this. I was too nervous to stressed out to even google for answers. Once again, please do not judge me. I have just been really lost lately and that is why it came to this. I just want to know if i have committed zina. I am very depressed and will repent as much as possible InshAllah. I want to know how big of a sin i have committed and what I should do. May Allah fogive me InshAllah and reward you all.
Firstly, I think it's great that you are seeking forgiveness from Allah and sincere about it, that's definitely a huge step! But just bare in mind that our repentance is only accepted when we are sincere and don't commit the sin again.
Which leads me to my next point, the whole reason relationships outside of marriage are haram is so that we avoid comitting big sins like having intercourse etc. We might start off with innocent intentions, thinking we're only going to talk to this girl, nothing else, but then we might get feelings for them and start dating them. 'We're just going to the cinema and out to eat' we might say, 'it's not a big deal'. then we'll get further and further into it until eventually we're so blinded by 'love' we don't care anymore that we're sinning. That's why I'd definitely recommend ending the relationship (I totally understand that may seem difficult at first, so I recommend looking up the reasons on why relationships are not allowed in the Quran and authentic hadiths themselves, and listening to scholars - on youtube/TV - about it, so that you can understand the reasons. Also, just a heads up, the 'love' that we feel when we're in these haram relationships are actually from the shaytan, so it will only ever lead us into sin).
Secondly, I'd recommend trying to connect with Allah again. I know that praying 5 times a day may be a little difficult to establish first, so definitely read the Quran as much as you can - try reading a few pages a day at first (a translation if you're not able to read and understand Arabic). By doing this and pondering about the messages the Quran gives us the 'rust' and heaviness in your heart will be removed, and you'll find becoming a better muslim SO much easier!
I hope this helps :)