I am a woman who suffers OCD( obsessive compulsive disorder) from past 5 years, due to this I have unimaginably intense waswaas (whispers from the shaytaan) from past 5 years. I have waswas in wudu (ablution) gusl (bath), salath, fasting and in all deeds. I take a long time for wudu and gusl. Always I have doubt about purity. I usually take 3 or 4 bath in a day.I usually have waswas in making Intension
For 4 months the intensity of waswas increased and I felt suddenly that I am non-Muslim. I have very bad thoughts about Allah and Prophet (saw) which I can’t say- they are very evil thoughts. These thoughts are attacking me in every moment of life. I would repeat the Shahaadatayn (testimony of faith) and kalimah of radde kufr many times but there was a feeling inside that I didn’t believe it. But I NEVER EVER DO IT. Will the evil thoughts due to waswas converts to riddath? Will the repeated taking of shahaada and kalimah radde kufr become a sin? I can’t eat study and talk properly. I had met a psychiatrist and taking medicines.
Besides, I still pray regularly, read Quran and fast. I got Islamic knowledge well at childhood and I always try to live in Islamic way. I know that the way to treat this waswaas is not to pay any attention to it, I really do that. Whenever waswas occurs, I usually say `aoodu billahi mina shaithani rrajeem` and recite Ayathul qursi, surahh Ikhlas, Muavvidathani everyday and try to move away from it. But everytime I failed and paid attention to it. I know that I am wrong. I made a lot of isthigfar and thouba.I would say “Aoodu billah” more than 500 times in a day. I am overwhelmed with waswas. I am afraid of meeting people because I can’t say ‘aoodu billah’ when I am middle of crowd.What should I do? Please advise me. I can’t get rid of these evil thoughts and I am in a state that no one knows but Allah. Please pray for me.