Assalamoaicom to all readers..
I am gurl 22 years of age.. i have a big problem since high school, i was madly fall in love with my cousin. i know that was a puppy love, but it take 7years before i finally realized that it is imposible to be his wife. I am not 100% sure if he love me too the way i love him.
I pray tahajud every month of Ramadhan ask Allah to forget this man, and finally I made it. i slowly forgot my felling to him.
but, as time goes by, sometimes, it comes to my mind that i still love my cousin. it fells me bad every time i think of him seeing with other girl.
bilogically, he is Half Muslim, his mother is a christian and his father is a Muslim. I doubt if he marry a non Muslim girl, he will be a non Muslim for ever.
i want him to be my husband so that i will teach and help him how to be a pure Muslim.
help me.. what should i do with this matter. i love this man and i want him to be involve in all Islamic activity.
Should i approach his parent directly? should i approach him directly? what will i do?
dont approach him, approach his parents.
Allah knows best
Selamin Aleykum Sister,
First you should take in consideration if your cousin is mahram or non-mahram, in case he is mahram you will not be allowed by Allah(r.a.) to marry him, in case he is a non-mahram you are eligible to marry him. Do I understand it properly that you are in love with him for 7 years now, or you just only realized you can't be his wife. (you actually can according to Sharia law)
There is an ayah in the quran specifying who is mahram and who is not
"And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed." The Noble Quran [24:31][Sahih International] The bolded text indicates who is mahram(not allowed to marry to and most communications allowed with them except such things as intercourse. If he is your uncle or aunts son(your cousin)then you are also allowed to marry him, and see the sources below indicating if a cousin is mahram or non-mahram.
Now, knowing you are allowed to marry him and it indeed is possible to marry him. Allah is the almighty so never take into consideration if something is going to happen or not. Always say Inch'Allah. You should think about asking his parents to marry you, I know, I'm asking the impossible from you, but if it fits society you must ask. As in the society of my country people don't usually marry their cousin's, and I am for sure my uncle wouldn't allow me to marry his daughter, and I'm sure my cousin wouldn't want that either, we aren't grown up that way. But if it fits your society you should ask the parents, the hell, even ask if it doesn't fit your society, Allah allows it and Allah should be the one judging you, not society. But it happens more that Muslim care more about the judging of society then the judging of Allah, may Allah forgive them.
It is a good thought of you to make him a better Muslim, and I wish you luck in it, but if he does not pray, looks away from woman, he is, in my opinion, not worth marrying you. But it's your choice written by Allah. I do not advise you to talk to him, this is strictly advised against as it may lead to zina. However, people seem not to resist theirselves and talk to all kinds of non-mahram men and women, the same counts for me but I pray to Allah to protect me from the forbidden.
If you fear he does not want you, then realize Allah doesn't want him to want you.(if he doesn't!) If Allah won't allow you this he will allow you something better, Allah knows what his real personality is.
Assalaamun Aleykum my dearest sister,
Your Brother in Islam
He committed zina whilst Christianity and Islam forbades it, he didn't look away from his girlfriend, all the proof of you deserving better. Therefore, Allah knows best and Insch'Allah Allah will grant you someone with a great iman and may your love to your cousin be ceased by Allah.